NUTS

 Stage 2 is tomorrow! No way!

I'm back in Ann Arbor, typing this at a cute coffee shop near campus. It's very sweet/funny to me how much I definitely look like a college kid working on my homework here. Those were the days.

Getting here has been a rollercoaster because of how busy this past weekend was. Having surgery as a small business/farm owner is a tough feat, and even though we thought this time of year would be pretty good to have surgery, there is still a ton going on (of course). It was a tough balance because I'm paying a ton of money for insurance through COBRA right now so didn't want to wait too long, but also couldn't have surgery during the height of the farm season because we can't leave for that long. I also wanted to make sure that my recovery didn't have to feel rushed.

We left the East Coast on Sunday evening and drove several hours to stay in a hotel, then finished the drive yesterday (Monday) - arriving in Ann Arbor about an hour before my scheduled COVID-19 test. I did my test early and we headed to our favorite bookstore (my purchase: Grievers - adrienne marie brown), grabbed some sushi takeout for dinner, and went to check in at the AirBnB. It was a stressful several hours waiting for my test results; they told me it would be 2-4 hours and it took closer to five, which is no big deal in real life but as far as relieving my anxiety goes, I certainly wanted to hear at two hours. I've had a slight cold the past week (stress) and took several rapid tests and a PCR (all negative), but was still very nervous that COVID was a possibility. We ate dinner, watched a decently mediocre Netflix movie, and then Zoomed with my parents for an hour. Finally got the negative results and allowed myself to actually relax. Unpacked, sprawled out, brain slowing down.

Today I slept in for the first time in what felt like a month, had a slow morning at the AirBnB making grocery lists, lounging around, and enjoying the quiet. Today will consist of being at this coffee shop, grocery shopping, waiting for the call from the hospital about what time to arrive tomorrow, and getting ramen for an early dinner. Yom Kippur starts tonight so it's an appropriate time to be fasting. I don't feel amazing about having surgery on Yom Kippur, but it's what was available and worked for our schedule.

Stage 2 will be upper scrotoplasty (rotating flaps from the side of my dick downward to meet the lower part of my scrotum, which was created in stage 1) and testicular implants. I'm getting extra small Coloplast brand Torosa saline-filled testicular prosthesis implants  that have one anchor point that will be sutured to my scrotum. There's lots of discussion about implant types when in reality, your surgeon probably has one type that they prefer and it's probably just because their clinic/hospital only orders from that company. There isn't much choice involved at the patient level, and there doesn't seem to be much difference between the types available in the United States anyway (solid silicone or silicone filled with saline). Regardless, I'll report back on how the saline-filled feel once I have them! Surgery is supposed to be outpatient, and I think it'll only last a few hours.

I mostly feel excited. We already did the hard part of preparing the farm, leaving (I already miss my animals so much), tests, logistics, etc. etc. I'm slightly nervous about possible complications, especially the possibility of my surgeon nicking my urethra and needing to have a suprapubic catheter again. I feel pretty calm though - if it happens, it happens. I'm feeling high-resilience right now, which obviously can change quickly but is a good place to be entering surgery. All for now, reporting back tomorrow!