Four! Whole! Weeks!

Woof. Four weeks? That's a long ass time!

So today marks four weeks since I had surgery. Not a ton has changed in the past week, though at the same time a long of things that were improving at week three have continued to get better. Let's see...

Generally, walking and getting around has gotten consistently better this week. I can now walk normally, just am moving a little slower than I normally would (granted, I usually walk pretty fast). Sitting has improved immensely - I no longer need to sit on the very edge of a chair, and can pretty comfortably sit regularly on a padded chair. I did sit in a wooden chair for like 20 mins and that wasn't ideal, though not painful. Getting in and out of chairs/bed is pretty much a non-issue at this point. I still bend over weird (like when I need to pick something up from the floor) because I'm hyper-concerned about my mons incision and that's directly impacted by bending, so it's a variation on either bending straight over at a 90 degree angle or quasi-squatting. In this moment, I can't even remember how people normally bend over. My stamina is much better - I've walked around stores, walked several blocks around the neighborhood, and am gaining more and more energy. I also drove today for the first time! It was totally fine. I've been worried about the discomfort with sitting but I didn't feel anything. Definitely could have driven earlier in my recovery if I needed to, but I'm also glad that I didn't until today.

Drainage has also let up! It's not gone, nor do I expect it to be gone too quickly while I still have healing wounds. It's still clearish/pinkish and still coming from all the same places, there's just less of it. My mons incision is healing, slowly but surely. When I went to take my dressings off for my shower today there was NO NEW BLOOD on the gauze, which is incredible. I'm still keeping it covered for the next few days but will consider leaving it uncovered in the near future. The open spots look slightly smaller to me and feel less tender. 

I forgot to mention this in my last post, but my buccal mucosa graft (aka my new urethra, which was taken from the inside of my cheek) site was totally scarred over at about two weeks post-op. It's now a little tight (as new scar tissue tends to be) but doesn't impact chewing/talking/whatever in any sort of way, I can only feel it when I push my tongue against it. It's truly incredible how quickly mouths heal.

I had some weird catheter things going on a few days ago, so I'll get into that a bit. Backstory: I've been taking AZO (over the counter urinary tract support) like... everyday, for almost the past four weeks. It's the stuff that turns your pee SCARY orange, but also helps stop alleviate bladder spasms. It's technically a 2-pill dose, though I only ever took 1 pill at a time. Early on I was taking it 3x/day, about every six hours, but for the past two weeks I've just taken one in the morning and one at night. The issue: I don't know if it's something that's supposed to be taken everyday for this long. And, excitingly enough, a few days ago I started passing what looked like tiny orange grains of sand through my catheter. It happened one morning then got better throughout the day, but the next morning it was happening again a little more intensely. I was sitting on the couch and hadn't realized that my catheter tube wasn't draining correctly until I stood up because I had to poop. I assumed that I was just having that "need to pee" feeling because I hadn't taken my morning AZO, so I took the AZO (whoops) and went to use the bathroom. After I was pretty much finished, I went to do one final push (TMI sorry you all know this blog is really about poop anyways) and A LITTLE SHOT OF PEE CAME OUT OF THE TIP OF MY PENIS. Um! What! Yes. I stopped pushing immediately and clenched down on my pelvic floor because I'm not supposed to be peeing out of my urethra just yet (though it was only a few days early). Wild.

So what definitely happened is that my tube wasn't draining correctly, which allowed me to fill my bladder more than I have been, leading to the ability to pee. I nearly always have the sensation that I'm going to pee when I use the bathroom, but usually there's nothing to come out. This time there was! And as shocking as it was, it was also so wildly affirming and exciting. It was just a little shot, but it was pretty strong, didn't hurt or burn at all, and was beautiful coming out of the tip. It was pretty funny because I had just been talking to my mom about having now idea where my new urethra is located, obviously it's supposed to be in the middle of the tip but you never know, especially with swelling! And part of me has been concerned that it just failed immediately, or already closed up, or any other variety of worst case scenarios that could have taken place inside my body without my knowing. This little incident doesn't actually prove anything - I could still have any number of urethral issues, am still healing, etc etc. But it felt really hopeful. And the sensation of peeing out of my dick was amazing, even if I was sitting down and it was a total surprise.

Follow-up: once I realized what was going on with my catheter, I squeezed the squishy part of the tube (closest to my body) a bunch to move some of the little crystals around and it started working normally. I then proceeded to drink a shit ton of water and cranberry juice to flush things out, and because I was vaguely worried that I had a UTI (still not letting that worry go just yet). I haven't taken AZO since that issue, and haven't had any more crystalizing. Which is great! However, the AZO works for me. Which means that the CVS brand different drug combo is not quite as helpful, and I'm experiencing bladder spasms more than I have in weeks. They're not as intense as initially - I can't really feel my bladder actually spasm, for the most part. But I do reaaaally feel like I need to pee. It's especially difficult at night (nothing else to focus on) and anytime I'm in (or even near lmao) the bathroom, when my body is like YES pleASE let me do this here! Getting into a warm shower is like... rough. I've been doing a lot of pee dances because I feel like it actually helps. So does swearing a bunch, singing a pee song, and trying to distract myself as much as possible. I've also taken some 20:1 CBD:THC oil at the recommendation of one of my discord servers, and I think that's been helpful. 

And then today, when I changed from my leg bag to my overnight big bag, the freaking bag seems to want to eject itself from the main catheter tube??? I'm not sure if this is because of the night bag wearing out or because of the actual catheter tube attachment thingy getting weaker after being in for four weeks, but fuck! It's not cool. There's pressure there, so if it pops off it just kind of... sprays pee everywhere, which is a big nuisance at home and would be a MASSIVE issue if it happened while I was sitting on an airplane, something I will be doing tomorrow to get to my second post-op appointment. Very exciting. I currently have tape around the tube to try to encourage it to stay together, but I'm prepared to wake up to pee everywhere. I am feeling very done with the catheter these past few days.

So, Friday is my second post-op! It's a big one. I'll be doing a retrograde urethrogram and will meet with my surgeon to check up on everything. Did more research on the RUG - retrograde as in injecting dye into my urethra through the tip of my penis. Hence the aforementioned discussion of "I don't even know where my urethra is, how are they going to find it to inject dye into it?!?". I'm nervous about it, but I'm also excited, and trusting, and fine. It will be informative as to how my urethra is looking, which will determine lots of different next steps. I'm not anticipating the catheter coming out on Friday, but I'm really hoping that we can cap it and that I can start peeing on my own a little bit, at least. We shall see.

Appointment means going back to Michigan, means traveling. It doesn't make sense to drive so far again so I'm flying, which will be interesting with a catheter bag. Not that going through the scanner as a trans person isn't already bad enough! Oof. I'll be with my dad, which is good. We're flying in, grabbing a rental car, and staying in a hotel. I am totally in love with Ann Arbor, so I'm glad to have another short stint there. We're only staying tomorrow afternoon through Friday evening, so it's a quick turnaround. Haven't decided if I want my dad to come back with me at my appointment, but that will be a game-time decision. Oddly enough, it doesn't really feel like a thing for him to see my dick, and he has a penis so there's no telling what his urological future will look like either! I'm fine being alone, but it's nice having someone else there to remember things. We'll see. 

And I have to be up early tomorrow! So should probably head to sleep and hope that my catheter doesn't bathe me in pee overnight. Oh, the joy. This thing behaved so well for so long, I suppose this has been a long time coming. Good things to talk about with a urologist in about 36 hours! I'll make another post after my post-op on Friday, which is also my one month post-op. Incredible. TTFN!